Don't wanna be an Angel
by SsXAngel
Summary: Something has happened to Kaori that makes her unable to talk or trust anyone. Mac feels that she dosent love him anymore and what happens between Psymon and Kaori? contains sexual material. COMPLETE!
1. Ever since that night

Cold eyes stared at the snow, the soft white substance had no shine, it was plain. Blunt like an unsharpened pencil. It had no presence at all.

Her hazel orbs floated upon it and into the building beside her.

For what it seemed like eternity, she had no desire to talk or make eye contact. Ever since that night...

She hastily walked to her room, feeling a draft that had seeped into her room and she felt the cold wind flow onto her skin, causing goosebumps.

Normally she would of put some more clothes on but she just sat on her bed knowing that she had felt worse and nothing cold make her feel any colder. Ever since that night...

Tears made their way down from her eyes onto her soft cold cheeks, she wondered if she'll be like this for the rest of her life.

"You shouldn't feel this way, everyone knows but you still don't let them come close to helping you. You just can't go on like this, you'll make yourself sick" she thought to herself.

"But I can't let them know how weak I am" she thought.

"You don't have to show strength! You need comfort, don't be like this."

How could she be any different?

Maybe she should just let go. It's what she's always wanted to do. Ever since that night...


	2. The Start of the incident

_**The previous week...**_

Kaori and Mac, Elise, Zoe and Moby were all playing poker at 11:00pm in the black station, everything was peaceful,enjoyable and pretty much normal.

Kaori never thought that she'd be so happy, just hanging out with her friends being like a normal teenager, everything was normal...except for Mac, for some apparent reason kept on getting royal flushes and Moby was getting suspicious.

Everyone was laughing and all having a good time.

"Ok Mac, you win but as punishment you have to pack away all our boards and wax them all in the morning" Elise said with a small smirk.

Mac pulled a face and then shrugged cos he knew he wasn't

gonna do it anyway and if the others cared well he'll just say he forgot which he will.

Kaori stayed with Mac after Elise, Zoe and Moby had gone.

Mac and her just talked for ages and listened to the radio and giving each other pop quiz's on Big mountain's history,

"Guess what?" Kaori asked with rising excitement

"What?" Mac asked in answer.

"I've won a first class trip to the Golden star resort!" Kaori yelled in excitement

"Wow! Lucky you, is there a ticket for two?" Mac asked curiously

Kaori slightly slugged him upside the head

"No silly, only posh people get to go on this kinda trip," she joked

"You calling me a pathetic bum?" Mac acquiring a insulted look in his face

Kaori just laughed and kissed him on the forehead, and went up the stairs to the reserved room.

The next day, it was time to pack and get ready for a week in paradise. Everyone was so jealous.

Golden Star was the most expensive resort closest to Big mountain and it was 5 star quality. It suited Kaori perfectly.

But maybe the resort wasn't as glamorous as she thought...

Finally the day of leaving arrived and she was so excited, to hasten the time she bragged, bragged and bragged about how rich and excited she was. Everyone was betting when Psymon would finally bash some sense into her but unfortunately for them, Psymon had a restraining order againest her and wasn't allowed in the same room as her.

Kaori had managed to calm down by the time the private helicopter was outside the lodge.

"Well, we hope you will have a good time there, Kaori. Just remember that we will miss you and you'll have to take one of us next time" Elise said as she hugged her goodbye.

"I will miss you to, I will miss all of you." Kaori wiped a tear away from her eye and wondered where it had came from. She knew she'd see her friends again.

"Farewell.." Kaori kissed Mac and said goodbye to the rest of the gang before she got on the helicopter and blew off into the breeze out of sight.

"She'll so have to tell us what it was like eh?" Zoe said

"Yeah, I've always wondered if it was so glamorous as told" Elise wondered.

Mac just nodded and carried on riding on towards the sun.

Kaori happily sat on the luxurious love-seat drinking lemonade and eating ginger cookies, her excitement steadily growing and she wondered if she would explode before she even got there.

"So Kaori, excited?" the pilot asked her whilst piloting the helicopters out of some clouds.

"Oh yes! I can't wait until I get there!" She said and looked out the window to see a good view.

"We should arrive there in 15 minutes or so, just try to relax and enjoy the view." he said calmly.

"Yay" Kaori said and crossed her arms to keep her warm, even though this helicopter was luxurious, it lacked heaters so she kept feeling a breeze.

She wondered what this resort would be like, maybe indoor spa's, a king size bed and lots of drinks.

All these thoughts went through her head but little did she know that instead of a week in paradise, it was a week in hell.

_Thank you for all your reviews! I feel so loved:-)_

_anyway, i have a lot of ideas for this story and so sorry to keep you waiting but writing this does take time you know!_

_Just remember if you have any ideas for the story, just tell me, i might consider them and/or add them to another story._

_See ya l8r!_


	3. Hope of survival

Relaxing and enjoying the peaceful view, Kaori suddenly felt uneasy and the helicopter started to get shaky,

"Uh Mr. Pilot sir,is everything alright?" she asked nervously

"Um, we're flying straight into a huge thunder cloud, I think I can get past it alright just hold onto to something" The pilot said trying to sound like he knew what he was doing but his voice betrayed that and showed more fear than control.

Kaori griped onto the edge of the sofa.

One shake caused her lemonade to spill over, and Kaori's heart missed a beat.

What's gonna happen now?

Lightening striped the side of the plane off and alarms and screams echoed through the sky.

MIDAY MIDAY! The pilot screamed into the communicator and the plane suddenly lost control, Kaori and the pilot were tumbling down to the ground at 200kmph and the impact caused the plane to burst into searing flames.

Neither of them had a chance to react, it all seemed in slow motion and Kaori's world went black.

_**One hour later...**_

Kaori's eyes opened rather painful, as she struggled to open her badly bruised eyes, she found herself laying outside the flaming plane and on a snowy forest floor.

She couldn't remember anything until she saw what was left of the plane that was meant to take her to this wonderful resort with indoor spa pools.

She gasped in fright and quickly hurried to rescue the pilot, but it was too late, she found him with his head smashed open againest the door and Kaori covered her eyes to avoid her spewing up in disgust.

'spewing wouldn't be so bad I guess,' she thought to herself.

Obviously she made it out alive, maybe she was supposed to survive and fate wanted to test her.

Well if it was a test fate wanted, Kaori thought, then it was a test fate was gonna get.

She looked over her surroundings, huge tall green and white tress covered her sight and birds echoed through the high leaves.

A chill found its way to her skin and Kaori instantly became cold.

"What am I gonna do?" She asked no-one.

Walking slowly and coldly towards the luggage carrier on the back of the plane, it was badly dented but still allowed no entry without the keys, which last time she saw, were around the dead pilots neck.

She sighed in disgust and stumbled towards the pilot.

She busted open the door and the body fell towards the ground creating a squishing sound as the soft contents of the pilot hit the ground, Kaori didn't look at the body. Didn't even want to inhale the stench of a dead man.

She saw the keys hanging on the door and she grabbed them.

She also noticed a map sitting on the chair beside the pilot, grabbing that to she ran clumsily to the rear end of the plane and unlocked the door to grab her luggage which contained valuable stuff and also stuff needed for survival.

Unfortunately, there were no plugs here so she didn't think that her hair straightener would come in useful, but she took it anyway.

She sat down next to the plane and thought about her options.

She could either:  
Build a shelter here and wait for someone to rescue her from the middle of no where

Eat the dead man and try to use the communicator to get help

Continue into the forest and probably die of hunger and thirst, unless she didn't get eaten by a man eating tiger before she could do all of the above.

She wasn't really keen on being a cannibal and she didn't bring any screwdrivers or nails to build a shelter and going on into an unknown forest meant death for sure.

Her conclusion stated that she was gonna die anyway so, Kaori pulled out her diary and began writing.

_Dear Diary,_

_I am so lucky to be alive. Unlike Dave who I'm guessing had an immediate death since his head was smashed in,it was ultimate grossness I could see part of his brain and there was blood everywhere!_

_Now I'm siting here next to the plane wondering what I shall do?_

_Here I am unsure of what learks in that forest and I don't even have the slightest clue where I am! I have a map but I can't understand it... maybe I 'm dead? Thats it! I can't stay here, I'm going to walk for awhile and try to find help._

_Until next time, Kaori 3_

Feeling more relaxed and trying not to panic, searched her bag and found some cookies that she had hoped to eat while in the spa, and since she obviously wasn't going to be in a spa anytime soon, she decided to pack them so she wouldn't die of hunger.

To bad she hadn't packed water.

She stood up, ready to explore this new world of nature, her backpack weighed heavily on her shoulders but she was alright.

She wandered away from Dave the pilot and the plane, and into the dark forest.

Meanwhile, the gang where in the lodge in the warm, all craving they were with Kaori in the posh resort drinking champagne and soaking themselves in a luxurious heated spa pool.

Kaori walked for ages, occasionally getting scrapes from the branches and doing her best to avoid little forest creatures.

She continued walking until she saw smoke coming from up ahead! Maybe it was the resort!

She ran like she had never ran before, maybe to salvation, or to a never ending bonfire.

Nevertheless, hope was now there and Kaori wasn't going to give it up just yet.

She got to the clearing and her eyes widened to find a building with a chimney. It looked very similar to the red station lodge on Peak 2.

With a determined sigh, she walked to the brick building steps and entered in the door, she found herself in a sort of reception like room.

"Excuse me? Is there anyone here?" she asked in hoping someone will reply.

Suddenly a head popped up from the desk and it startled her,

"So sorry miss, welcome to Golden lodge!" the woman greeted

Kaori was stunned,

"Golden? Is this the Golden resort?" she asked

the woman looked puzzled, but then smiled cheerily

"I'm sorry miss but were just the golden lodge, we are just two miles away from the Golden resort, why do you ask?"

"I have tickets to go to the golden lodge but I'm lost and don't know how to get there," Kaori honestly said leaving out details on how she she got there.

"We would get you out to Golden resort but our ... owner just recently demolished our last means of transport" the woman said and sighing before she said owner.

"Oh, well thank you anyway." Kaori said rather sadly.

"But for the mean time, you look very cold and in need of a drink. You may stay her for a couple of nights?" the woman asked very nicely, she seemed like a new trainee.

"Sure," Kaori agreed.

"Excellent! We have vacancy here since the last lady left in a hurry," the woman by the name of Katherine, who had a voice similar to Avril Lavigne, but the comment she made was kinda spooky.

Kaori suddenly felt unsure and really didn't know what to think.

_**Keep waiting, what did Katherine mean by "the last lady left in a hurry"? Find out next chapter and next chapter is probably gonna be T+ rating for um,...well we'll see.**_


	4. Haunting memories

Kaori laid on a small single bad in this strange new room, that Katherine had recently occupied her with.

The room looked like someone came in here and made it look more presentable with each passing day, possibly to hide anything sacrilegious or offending to the customers so they wouldn't have to deal with complainants or something.

Whatever she figured, she could be wrong.

At least Katherine was nice and offered her a drink of water, since that was what she really needed.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door,

"Come in" Kaori said sitting up on the bed.

In walked a man, who seemed to be in his early 20's, with brown spikey hair and forest green eyes.

"Hello, my name is Hayden, I'm the owner of this place. Pleased you could stay, we don't have many guests since we are smacked bang in the middle of the Canadian woods." he said, his voice was charming and Kaori began breathing a little bit harder, without noticing.

"Oh, I see. Well my name is Kaori and-" she started

"Ah Kaori, Kaori Nishidake right? Oh god your a SSX superstar aren't ya?"

Kaori just nodded.

"Well, I guess our hospitality seems very budget compared to what you get at Big mountain all the way in Alaska, by the way what are you doing out here?" He asked in a sort of rude but gentleman like way.

"Well, um, I have these tickets to the Golden resort but I got lost and found myself here." Kaori said, not wanting to lie but wanting to forget all the horrible memories.

"The Golden resort huh? Everyone wants to go there, and that's why we are broke. I own the place and there aren't enough people to keep the place running, so I'm broke, Katherine doesn't get paid for doing what she does best and our only janitor works all day!" Hayden said with worry.

Kaori sighed,

"I guess we all have our share of problems" she said in a barely audible voice.

"I don't suppose you have $200 on you?" Hayden politely asked but obviously begging for it.

"I'm sorry, no I don't. But if I did, I would gladly help you keep this place running, it's cozy." Kaori said but then wondering if that meant she was now stuck here the rest of her life?.


	5. Vehement

Kaori felt uneasy, she was left alone in the room but she felt like she was being watched.

She really wished she was back with her friends and with Mac, she always felt safe around him, no matter where they were.

If he was here with her now, she doubted that she'd feel any worry.

But that wasn't the situation at all, no she was alone in a white room and sitting on a bed that had been made too many times, now it seemed to not have any wrinkles on it at all.

It was incredibly silent, no birds or snow leopards outsides humming a tune or growling a devious song.

She couldn't help but wonder what Katherine had meant by everything she had said. it was like she was hinting at something and telling Kaori that this place wasn't safe but Kaori couldn't get the hint.

She felt a little awful about it.

It was dark and cold.

Kaori wrapped a blanket around her and reached for her journal and started writing:

_Dear Diary_

_I made it to shelter and its warmer than outside but it seems to me that it's not entirely safe here. I think that I might have stumbled onto something but I don't know what will happen_.

_I am a little scared, I met two nice people, Katherine and Hayden._

_Katherine is a new trainee that works at the Golden lodge, that is where I am now, its not really 5 star quality but it will do. It's better than being outside and with a dead pilot that is missing half his head._

_I miss Mac, and Elise and all my friends, I even miss Psymon, just a little bit._

_I miss his insults._

_Only God knows what will happen now and maybe he can give me some clues as to what's going on here as well._

_That's all from me, till next time Diary._

_Kaori 3_

Kaori read over what she had written and was a little surprised that she had wrote that she missed Psymon.

He was the last person in the world that she'd miss.

But she was so lonely that even his insults would cheer her up.

Kaori sighed and put her diary back into her bag full of girly stuff that you would use at a 5 star resort.

Suddenly a flash picture of Psymon came into her mind, he was holding up a present all wrapped up in pink with a cute white bow ontop.

Kaori wondered where that had came from. But then she remembered of the time it was her birthday and Psymon had brought her a book on "101 reasons".

Kaori was really happy that day. Aside from the day of when she and Mac had a really good date, that day would rate in the top 5 of the best days of her life.

Kaori regretted not packing it, she had left it on her dresser.

Kaori had a quick shower that was in the bathroom down the hallway.

She didn't know that she had missed the feeling of the hot water running down her body.

She was too down in the memories of the cold snow covering her and the heat that had leaked from the flames of the burning plane and the stench of a dead man. Poor Dave. He had been known for driving dangerously hence the nickname "Dangerous Dave" but it seems his luck of surviving had run out.

Kaori wasn't really looking forward to announcing that Dave was dead. She was more fortunate than he to only walk away with a bruise above her eye.

Once she was out of the shower, she decided that she was going to be here for awhile at least until Hayden gets a new car or snow mobile.

Katherine told her that he was never really the type to do things right away, that he'd leave things until he was nagged about it for at least a year or so.

She didn't want to be here for a year, if she were, all her friends up on Big mountain would either get suspicious that she hadn't come back or would just assume that she had decided to stay there forever.

She hoped that they would get suspicious. She had a feeling that Mac would.

Maybe Psymon... again with that? Kaori thought to herself.

Why was she thinking of her worst enemy? Well he would get suspicious of her absence.

She imagined him going up to her friends and go "Hey, where's my punching bag?" or "where's Kaori? I want to insult her again for the 100th time this week?"

Kaori just sighed. He wouldn't miss her. But maybe he would.

"Stop it Kaori, he will not miss you, the end. Goodnight" she said out loud to no one.

But someone heard.

"Who won't miss you?" Hayden asked, walking into the room without even knocking.

Kaori frowned at his rudeness but blushed that he over heard her out burst.

"Just someone back home, someone I'm not particularly fond of" Kaori said.

"Let me guess... Psymon Stark?" Hayden asked

Kaori found it a little disturbing that he knew so much about her.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"I love all the big SSX superstars, I know that you and Psymon don't really like each other, it's kinder easy to know since your personalities are so different. Also we get some residents that often gossip about who likes who and stuff like that. I recently heard that Zoe and Moby might be getting it on."

"Ewww." Kaori bluntly said and tired to get the mental images out of her head.

"Sorry," Hayden apologized but continued"Also I heard that Dangerous Dave has been reported missing since yesterday"

Kaori nearly cried.

She didn't want to be remembering anything about what happen before but she couldn't get way from it.

Hayden noticed that she was crying and sat down next to her on the bed,

"Hey, you okay?" he asked looking sincerely and innocent.

Kaori looked at him with tear filled eyes.

"He's dead. He got killed in a plane accident with me inside." she blurted out, before bursting into tears.

Hayden took awhile for the information to process.

"What? Are you okay?" Hayden asked more focused on Kaori than Dave.

Kaori sobbed and nodded.

Hayden leaned closer and hugged her, while Kaori cried into his chest.

Hayden realized that Kaori must have seen something really disturbing and he had to purge her of those memories and full her with new pleasant ones. But how?

With one hand he pulled her closer and hugged her tightly.

Kaori was a little taken back by how he did it.

It felt strangely familiar, it was like she was being hugged by Mac rather than Hayden. Mac hugged her like this.

Kaori had stopped crying but still found it hard to breathe,

Hayden gave a soft sigh and then released her, he looked into her eyes and saw she looked fazed and Hayden wiped another tear from her face that had escaped.

Kaori snapped out of it and felt Hayden's hand rub against her cheek, she shivered at the touch and it reminded her about her and Mac.

Oh, she missed Mac so much.

Suddenly Hayden leaned down and kissed her hard and passionate.

Kaori couldn't believe what was happening, she instantly pushed him away.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Hayden smiled evilly and took her face in his large hand.

He leaned his face down next to hers and whispered in her ear

"Making you feel better," he said somewhat evilly.

Kaori didn't know what to do but all of a sudden she was more scared than ever.

What was going to happen?

_**Hey, this is the next chapter finally. Lol.**_

_**Don't worry this story is the one that I'm going to finish first.**_

_**Feel sorry for Kaori, something is going to happen. You guess what it is until I submit the next chapter.**_


	6. My sea of Nightmares

My sea of Nightmares.

"Stop it," Kaori whimpered, obviously frightened.

Hayden was enjoying her fear, he was drinking it like a person who had been in a dessert for a long time.

"Come on, I know you want it." Hayden said in a voice that sounded like he was possessed or something.

He immediately kissed her again, she tried to resist but he had a death-grip on both her wrists. She couldn't turn her head because either way she turned it, his face would be there.

She screamed and growled but couldn't escape.

Hayden's face had become distant and alien, so frightening.

He held both her wrists with one hand while his other hand reached down to his crotch.

"LET ME GO!" Kaori screamed hoping someone would come in. She hoped Katherine would help.

Hayden had got his cock out and had ripped open Kaori's sweater.

Kaori screamed even more now that she was as scared as ever, what was he doing?

No one has ever touched her like this, not even her boyfriend. Not even Psymon.

"PLEASE LET ME GO! LET GO OF ME YOU CREEP!" She yelled so hard that she thought she had wired out her voice. She yelled and screamed and tried to resist him pulling down her pants but it was too hard, he was too strong and she was getting exhausted form screaming too much.

All of a sudden, Hayden had gotten off her panties and came down onto her.

Kaori screamed out in pain and cried. She didn't like this. She hated what was happening. She felt so defenseless against him. With hard thrusts, he broke her viginity and it hurt so much. No thought of giving pleasure to her ever crossed his mind, he was way too much in pleasure himself, seeing her face full of fear and confusion. Hatred and pain.

It was beautiful.

Out in the main reception, Katherine heard her screams, heard Kaori's suffering. She did not help her.

Just sat there, thinking " He's doing it again, poor girl. I was beginning to like her as well."

Then she started remembering all the good times that she and Hayden had together, but she also remembered all the times he had raped her to hell and back. But Katherine loved Hayden. She loved him in a way that no other girl who had been raped ever could, she knew that after being here Kaori would probably never come here again and would become distant from everyone. She would loose trust in everyone. She was like that but after she knew what Hayden was really like she fell head over heels for him.

She just wished that he would stop raping every pretty girl that ever set foot in the lodge.

Kaori was shocked, paralyzed and frightened so much that she had stopped screaming and was just whimpering,

Hayden still continued to hold her so she couldn't move or resist. He was enjoying being brought to the edge.

Every time Hayden moved Kaori was washed over with a wave of pain and suffocation.

Hayden had started gasping for air and he started to move faster.

"You bitch, oh god you bitch." He kept gasping over and over.

Kaori wanted to reply with some wear words of her own but her mouth never opened for the words to be summoned. All she could do was watch Hayden's face being fueled by pleasure and gasping for air.

Kaori's crying had ebbed and now she was dead silent.

'What's the point of trying? Why bother? Why call for help?

No one cares no one at all. I'm alone. No one loves me' She kept thinking as she was filled with pain.

Suddenly Hayden gave a loud gasp and Kaori felt something flow into her, she became frightened.

Hayden's eyes became normal again and his face turned form a monstrous alien to a sweet normal guy.

He looked confused and scared.

"Oh my god, what have I done?" He asked.

Kaori finally pushed him off and looked at him with horror.

She quickly hurried and got dressed and got her stuff together.

"Kaori! Wait let me explain!" Hayden protested her leaving.

"No! You raped me! How is there any explanation for THAT!?" Kaori stormed off.

She ran past Katherine who was silently crying and sighing.

Kaori looked at her with disgust.

"Why didn't you help me?"She asked deeply and angrily.

"Please try to understand, I have been through it myself" Was all she said.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND! HE RAPED ME AND YOU DIDN'T HELP ME! YOUR JUST AS BAD AS HIM!" Kaori was furious now.

No one seemed to care about her well being. She wished she were back home.

"Kaori! Kaori!" She heard Hayden and Katherine calling her back.

"SHUT UP!" Kaori yelled. She walked out of the lodge and ran into the woods.

Kaori didn't have any idea where she was going, the only place she knew where she go was the burning plane and Dave.

"A burning plane and a dead man is better than being alone with a rapist." Kaori said quietly to herself.

At least she will have some heat from the flames and no one to rape her.

For the very first time in her life she felt truly alone,

There was no one who she could trust.

All men think sex is the answer! She bet Mac was waiting for the opportunity to do the exact same thing! No one is safe.

She had to be her own protection now. No one was safe to be with. No one she knew she could trust.

Not even her so-called friends could cure her now. Nothing they could say would get her to change her mind.

She was alone and didn't trust anyone anymore.

In a rush she ran towards the smoke in the distance.


	7. Tales of a Broken heart

Tales of a broken heart.

Snow whipped her face and she cried as hard and as loud as she ever had.

She wanted to be back home. Back in her warm bed, back with her toys. Her toys wouldn't hurt her, no they wont.

They were safe to be around. But here, in a huge forest all covered in snow, wasn't a safe place to be wondering.

Who knew how many more rapists were walking around looking for a sweet innocent girl to break.

She smelled rotting flesh and knew she was getting closer to the plane.

Through a break in the trees she saw the plane.

The closer she got the worse the smell was, she walked up to the door and hadn't guessed that her eyes would be more revolted than her nose.

The pilot had badly deteriorated by the flames and his bones were showing on his arms, lying in a pool of blood was a cellphone. She hadn't seen that before, ignoring the body that was nearly a burnt crisp, she picked it up and put it in her pocket not bothering to wipe it off first.

She sat down by the end of the plane and started to write.

_Dear Diary,_

_I can trust you, you don't argue with me, you are a true friend._

_He did it, Hayden, he raped me, and it was painful. I was so frightened, I trusted him and he abused me in a way that I'd never expect anyone to. He was nasty and mean. Why would anyone do that to anyone else? It doesn't make any sense! Its like I cant trust anybody! Everyone is spawn of Satan. I don't belong here with these people. I just want to be home! Home with my toys…. Home with…_

Kaori continued writing but stopped when she'd realized what she had written.

_Home with my toys…. Home with… Psymon._

Kaori quickly looked for an eraser but couldn't find one.

Just her luck. First rape now she can't find an eraser.

Bugger.

_Just ignore what I wrote up there, it's not true, I do NOT miss Psymon, he is the last person in the world who I will miss. I do not miss anyone. I don't need anyone. They are all evil. All plan to rape me._

_Not until next time for I am never going to be writing in this ever again._

_Kaori. 3_

Kaori felt a little better and warmer, she found a little piece of cloth that she could use for a blanket.

She hadn't had any sleep since she crashed, so she slept.

**Meanwhile…**

Mac finished 3rd in a race on ruthless ridge, and he waved to all his fans who constantly cheered his name.

He took the gondola up to peak 3 and walked in the black station.

He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest and wondered what it was, it was like someone had just stabbed him with a knife right in the heart.

What the hell was that? He thought and he carried on walking towards the dining area to make him something to eat. He was famished. 'All racing and no food can kill you, you know?' he thought and rampaged through the fridge.

"I bet Kaori's having something real nice to eat, probably roast pork or chicken, Mmmm chicken, ha probably not, she's a veggie person." Mac said to no one.

**3 days later…**

Kaori was doodling on her journal the food she had packed for her vacation was only down to wine biscuits. All the homemade salads she had packed were eaten.

She was incredibly skinny probably next to anorexic, but she didn't care. The flames had completely vanished and the smoke had eased, Kaori hadn't once spoken a word for 3 days and nights. She had hoped for the smoke to send a signal but no such luck was found. All her tears were dried up and her clothes were muddy and dirty.

She needed a shower so bad and was really hungry, she didn't want to eat all the food she had because she didn't know how long she was gonna be here for so she had limited all her food, for emergencies. She had decided that once she ran out of food, she was going to go into the woods and look for some berries or some mushrooms.

She did not want to kill any creature or eat scraps of leftover roadkill, if there was any roads out here.

Her mind had been blank for moist of the time, she still spent her time drawing her feelings and remembering the horrible thing Hayden had done to her. She was glad to never see him again. If anyone sued him for rape, which would mean that she would have to face him again in court. She didn't want to EVER see him again, not even in a courtroom.

A loose tear flowed down her cheek and it landed on a

Picture of her feelings, she had drawed it without even thinking. So it was a picture of a naked Hayden, an angry Mac and a picture of Psymon looking like a gentleman.

Kaori didn't know why she kept thinking of Psymon.

She was beginning to think she was going crazy, she probably already was.

She did not love Mac anymore. She didn't love any man anymore. She loved no one. She didn't think anyone deserved her love.

She was so cold inside, she was determined not to let any emotion show. She thought it would be better to live life as if she was dead. Not a word for 3 days, no love to share and was as cold as ice on the inside and as blank as a zombie on the outside. To her she already the qualities of being a zombie.

She did not move from her position for hours, her eyes just stared at the plane or what was left of it.

Suddenly a crackling sound came from the receiver..

_**Looks like there may be hope for poor Kaori, I'll give you the next chapter soon.**_

_**For now just keep up the reviews and all the positive feedback! **__****_


	8. Destination Darkness

Destination Darkness

The sound was distorted and un-welcoming but to Kaori, it was a tiny piece of hope that rose again out of the dark clouds in her heart, she ran for it without any thought of her own safety. 

She needed this. It was amazing; to think that there is hope after 3 days of thinking that nothing was right and you were alone in this dreaded world.

The feeling was indescribable; all she knew was that she HAD to take this call.

She reached inside the cockpit of the plane and picked up the receiver, and screamed her lungs out.

"HELP! HELP! IM KAORI! IM STUCK OUT IN THE FOREST! FOR GODS SAKE SOMEONE HELP ME!"

It was funny, she hadn't spoken for 3 days and now that she had a reason for talking, it came gushing out like the lava out of an over-due volcano eruption.

"Hold on, hold on, calm down Miss Kaori, what's your current location?" a familiar voice replied.

"D.J Atomika?" Kaori asked, forgetting that she was stranded for awhile.

"Yeah, whaddaya want?" he asked rather cockily.

"I want you to get me out of this forest and back home!" she yelled into the receiver.

"Kaori Nishidake, I've already sent at least the entire peak 3 ski patrol, be calm and we have traced the location of where you are. Do not worry we are on our way." He calmed.

Kaori had never felt so relieved.

Maybe someone did care after all. No, just because you were getting saved does not mean that everyone cares.

If everyone cared then Hayden wouldn't have raped her Katherine would have helped her, Psymon would not always insult her and would not hit her boyfriend for standing up for her.

For 3 days and 3 nights, she didn't have any contact with anyone, no person in sight to keep her sanity.

She liked being alone. She didn't like people. People rape and abuse her; they insulted and annoyed her.

She like it better alone. It was just her and her thoughts.

Silence was heavenly. Clearing her mind to purge every single memory of the crash, of Dave, of Hayden and Katherine. Of eating mushrooms and berries. Witnessing an eagle swoop down and kill a poor mouse.

There were times where she had felt like that mouse, defenseless against a big massive eagle that symbolized fate and horrible scary mental images.

"Thank you so much," Kaori sighed happily and sat down beside the plane, just waiting for the sound of helicopter whirls surrounded her.

**In Peak 3 Black station.**

Elise was watching the 6 o clock news when all of a sudden they had breaking news and she sighed.

"I wonder what they have that's so good to be breaking news?" she asked herself.

"_In recent reports, we have confirmed that we have someone lost in the Canadian woods and has been missing for 3 days. This someone turns out to be Kaori Nishidake, a 19 year old SSX superstar."_

"MAC!" Elise screamed.

Mac came rushing in, with a hotdog in his mouth and a hamburger in his hand.

"Whafifsit?" he asked still chewing on his hotdog filled of mustard and onions.

"Its Kaori." Was all Elise said to get Mac's attention to the news.

"_We have confirmed that from D.J Atomika who had radioed Dangerous Dave's plane to find out where he was and found Kaori's voice on the end of the receiver._

_She told him that she was on the way to the Golden resort but ended up caught in a freak lightening storm and the plane crashed. Radio big understands that Kaori was lucky to make it out alive unlike Dave who did not make it._

_We have been told that Kaori had found a lodge and stayed there for awhile for supplies but did not say why she left._

_We sent the entire population of the peak 3 ski patrol to rescue her and she should be returning to big mountain in a couple of hours, this is EA BIG news, goodnight."_

Mac nearly choked on his hotdog and Elise had the most worried look in her face ever.

"Shit," Elise barely managed to say.

"Kaori…" Mac breathed.

**Just outside the Canadian woods…**

Kaori felt so warm and secure in a warm blanket inside the helicopter and the ski patrol handed her hot chocolate.

Sure it was nice but Kaori still didn't change her mind about people caring.

She could tell that these people didn't really care about her, they were only doing what they were told to do by the boss.

If it were up to them, they would probably still save her from the forest but wouldn't give her blankets or hot chocolate.

Who was being so nice? Why did they have to announce it on the news? So the people who were watching would just go "Humph. Poor soul. Oh well, what's on the next channel?" and turn the channel to cartoons.

Kaori shook her head at the idea of people caring and turned to the window.

To anyone else the view would have been very beautiful, but to Kaori, it told her that a cruel hard decision was coming.

How was she going to confront her friends?


	9. Hold on for dear Sanity

Hold on for dear Sanity.

She finally arrived at Black station, with Elise and Mac waiting impatiently outside.

She stepped onto the snow and just stood there, no movement stirred from her feminine body.

Mac ran straight to her.

"KAORI!" He yelled "Are you ok?" he breathed.

Kaori just nodded her head, silently wondering why he gived a damn.

Elise walked up to them and saw Kaori and just stood there.

She could tell that Kaori seemed different, she would normally be all like "OH MY GOSH! I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS!" But she was dead silent. Something was defiantly wrong.

"Kaori? What's wrong?" Elise asked concerned that she may be on the edge of losing a friend.

"Nothing is wrong, now if you don't mind I'm going to take a shower" Kaori gave a cold shoulder to both of them and walked off.

"What was that about?" Mac asked very confused.

Elise shrugged and followed Kaori into the lodge to get out of a chilly wind.

Mac was confused and scared, why was she acting like this?

Kaori couldn't believe the sensation of the burning water running down her body, it was fantastic. It made her forget about the past week for awhile and only her and the water mattered to her.

It was only until she got out and glimpsed at herself in the mirror.

This person looking back at her had puffed up eyes, soggy brown hair and sour hazel eyes. She didn't like the look of her reflection but couldn't look away. Her eyes had to tell her something but Kaori still couldn't figure out the hint.

In a flash, she imagined Mac behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders and kissing her neck.

She sighed when she realized that it was only a hallucination.

She turned her eyes away from the mirror to dry off her body.

Once she turned back she gave a small squeal when she saw Psymon behind her; he leaned his arms around her front so she leaned back into his body.

Suddenly, she snapped out of it. Kaori had no idea what the hell was going on.

Kaori closed her eyes and prayed for Mac to come back.

She opened them but the worst hallucination she could see was this one. Hayden laughing evilly and holding her down so she couldn't move.

Kaori screamed.

Mac came rushing in, "Kaori, its okay. What's wrong?" he asked calming her down and really not bothering to care that she was naked but she was mildly covered by a towel.

"Its…its … Him!" Kaori was going hysterical.

"What? Who's him?" Mac asked trying to calm Kaori down.

Kaori suddenly realized whom she was talking to and got up and rushed off her room.

Mac was dumbfounded, why wont she tell him? Has he done something wrong?

He just sat there until Elise came walking up.

"Mac? What the hell are you doing sitting on the bathroom floor?" She asked rather confused and annoyed.

" Having a little meditating lesson are we? Well, some of us might have problems with this as to this is where we pee, if you want a good view pay me $50" she joked.

"EWWWW!" Mac went white.

"No! Hell no. I was just in here cos Kaori was in here and was screaming hysterically so I came in here to find out what was wrong but she just said 'its him.' And ran off." He stated.

"Him? Who's him?" Elise asked.

"That's what I asked but she didn't tell me, tell you anything?" Mac asked hoping for a good answer.

"If I'm asking you do you think I know?" Elise asked somewhat sarcastically.

Mac's hopes of a good answer just flushed down the toilet.

"So you don't know ANYTHING about this?" He asked one more time.

"No, now get out, I need to pee." Elise demanded.

Mac left without hesitation.

He started to walk down to the room where Kaori was but he decided against it, it hurt him that she couldn't confide in him. It sucked. He was worried about her, about "them".

What was he going to do?

Kaori had taken all the mirrors down off the walls to avoid having to deal with random hallucinations of a horny Mac, a rather usual Psymon and a sex crazy Hayden. One of which frightened the hell out of her.

She didn't want to see any of these men, nor did she want to look at herself.

Once she dressed herself, she headed down to the lounge area and laid on the couch, hugged up against a fluffy red cushion.

Mac needed to know what was going on, he saw Kaori peacefully lying on the sofa and he decided to infiltrate her room.

Sneakily he tip toed into her room and rummaged through her draws, he found a book of "101 reasons" lying on her dresser and wondered who had brought her that.

He found a small bag and he poured out all the contents onto the bed. He found a hair straighter and wondered if she ever used in the 5 days she was gone.

He then discovered her diary, knowing it was bad to look through someone else's private property, desperate times call for desperate measures and this was desperate.

He flipped a few pages until he found the pages he was looking for.

He skimmed a few lines and then his eyes went wide with horror and shock.

He took the journal and headed for Elise's room.

"Elise! Elise!" he hissed through her door.

She opened the door rather annoyed but Mac thought she was always annoyed.

"What do you want now?" she hissed back.

"Read this!" he said as he practically shoved the book in Elise's face.

After a few moments of reading, Elise's face turned white then her colour returned after nearly fainting.

"Oh my freaking gosh, do you know what this means?" Elise asked.

"Yeah, someone touched my girl!" Mac scowled.

"She's been out in the woods for 5 days and hasn't taken a pregnancy test!"Elise worried.

"Holy !" Mac sweared.

"SHHHHH!" Elise hissed.

"We have to tell her," Elise said.

"Tell her what? Hey Kaori, we where wondering why you weren't talking to us so we abused your trust so we could look through your diary and hey, guess what? There might be a slight chance that your pregnant with another mans baby! Congratulations!" Mac said sarcastically.

Elise slugged him upside the head.

"We? Since when had it been 'we'? YOU abused her trust, YOU looked through her diary, therefore YOU are going to get in trouble" Elise growled.

Mac slumped.

"I don't wanna get in trouble" Mac whimpered.

"Should of thought of that before you took her diary, dork" Elise lightened up on her growling. The girlfriend was already going through hell, no need to drag the boyfriend down as well, one of them had to be happy otherwise the relationship would never work and Mac would be crying at Elise's room every single night.

Elise shuddered at that thought and sighed.

"Ok, well there's nothing much we can do now since we already know, were going to have to break it to her gently, how? I do not know," She plainly said.

And she was right, how were they going to figure this out without ruining Mac and Kaori's relationship?


	10. Rivals no more

Cold eyes stared at the snow, the soft white substance had no shine, it was plain. Blunt like an unsharpened pencil. It had no presence at all.

Her hazel orbs floated upon it and into the building beside her.

For what it seemed like eternity, she had no desire to talk or make eye contact.

She hastily walked up to her room, feeling a draft that had seeped into her room and she felt the cold wind flow onto her skin, causing goosebumps.

Normally she would of put some more clothes on but she just sat there on her bed knowing that she had felt worse and nothing could make her feel any colder.

Tears made their way down from her eyes onto her soft cold cheeks, she wondered if she'd be like this for the rest of her life.

"You shouldn't feel this way, everyone knows but you still don't let them come close to helping you. You just cant go on like this, you'll make yourself sick" she thought to herself.

"But I cant let them know how weak I am" she thought.

"You don't have to show strength! You need comfort, don't be like this"

How could she be any different?

Maybe she just let go. It's what she's always wanted to do. Ever since that night, the night where Hayden had stolen something of hers that was precious to her, something she was saving for her love. Something for Mac.

She nearly cried again.

She wanted to beat Hayden so bad that he would be able to rape anymore defenseless women.

She couldn't bear it anymore. She headed for the door and grabbed her board that hadn't been touched for awhile.

She rode down all the way down to Metro City.

When she got to a half pipe with a huge 7UP ad on it she let go of her board as soon as she was on top of it and she sat down on it, letting her legs hang down. She eyed the snow. It had been newly done for a race that was happening tomorrow.

She sat there with her thoughts.

Psymon was riding down into Metro City and had been listening to D.J Atomika on an in-com.

He had Kaori was back from hell, though on the outside it seemed her couldn't care less for his 'rival' but on the inside he was still human and could sympathize. It reminded him of when he had been in a similar experience.

He rode down until he got to the half pipe and noticed a person sitting on it. Feeling adventurous, he rode up to greet the person, he sure wasn't expecting it to be Kaori.

"What you doing up here?" He asked in his usual voice.

Kaori looked at him sourly.

"Why do you care?" she snapped.

"I don't. Tell me anyway" He demanded.

Kaori was running out of patience.

"I am getting sick of you already, go away, your interrupting my peace," She glared.

"I don't care about your peace. Tell me goddamit!" Psymon was on the edge as well; he wasn't going to ordered around like someone's rag doll.

"No!" Kaori argued.

"Okay, I see how it is," He said and then he sat down next to her.

"What the hell are you doing? Get away from me!" Kaori demanded.

"You can go, but you know I'll just follow you until you tell me why you are upset," Psymon said, rather calmly and it made Kaori become a little surprised, she never knew that Psymon could be so nice-like.

"Its nothing," She plainly said.

Psymon did not believe it at all.

"No, something's wrong, if nothing was wrong, then you wont be sitting up here looking like your cat just got ran over by a runaway washing machine." He stated.

Kaori smiled for once at his remark. He always said the strangest things.

"It's the trip I had last week." She started.

"Ooh. Now the silent one talks." He interrupted.

Kaori gave him a glare and continued.

"The people who I met in the middle of the woods at the Golden lodge, I thought were nice but I was far from it.

The man there, is named Hayden and he is mean and nasty." She said.

"How so?" He asked.

"He…. He…. raped me," she struggled to say the words.

Psymon had nothing to say.

Even though he heard stories far worse than this, it still caught him off guard.

"I have never been so scared in my life, it was horrible.

The woman who I met there was nice but was just as cruel as Hayden, her name is Katherine, I think she loved Hayden but she didn't do anything about me being raped, she just sat there crying when she heard my screams.

She didn't help at all. She just said 'sorry, I've been through it myself'. What a load of bull huh?" Kaori had started crying as she told Psymon everything she could.

"As soon as he was done with my torture I got out of there, as fast as I could. I ran back to the plane and spent the last 3 days there eating berries and drawing on the plane. That is until they took me home," Kaori finished.

"I just couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. Even when I got home, I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror cos I kept seeing hallucinations of him."

Kaori had purposely missed out telling Psymon about the hallucinations of him and Mac.

Psymon hadn't replied since he heard the reason why.

He had been stumped to know that such torture had been planted on one of the people he knew. All the stories he had heard were all about people who he had no clue who they were. It was just entertaining to hear about their fear but this one had really hit home.

Kaori started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Psymon asked, talking so calmly and unusually to his usual voice.

"It's that, well, you are the first person who I've told." She said.

Psymon was surprised.

"What? I thought you would of told Mac first, you know cos you and Mac have a…a…THING," he didn't know why he emphasized 'thing'. Maybe it was because he didn't really want to imagine Kaori kissing Mac and the thought revolted him.

"Yeah, but I haven't. I haven't told him anything, I kept thinking that he didn't love me, in fact I thought that no one loved me, after what Hayden did to me." She sobbed.

"Yeah that's understandable, but of course you're wrong. You know how much Mac loves you. For gods sake he calls your name in his sleep, even when he's sleeping on top of the dishwasher, I mean how obsessed can you get?" Psymon explained.

Kaori started to wonder if Psymon had a craving for machines like that.

She smiled.

"Thanks Psymon." She thanked him in a friendly voice rather than her usual timid frightened voice that she used around Psymon.

Psymon noticed the change in confidence in her voice and smiled.

It was an odd sort of smile but nevertheless it was a smile.

Suddenly Kaori just blurted out crying, Psymon didn't know what to do. Why was she crying now?

"What is it?" he calmly asked as if nothing was wrong.

Kaori leaned into his chest while she sobbed her heart out.

Psymon just reacted instinctively so he hugged her while she softly cried.

She looked up a little bit confused, but it didn't take her long to realize how close they were. His eyes caught hers and then neither of them knew what they were doing but one thing lead to another and before they knew it, both of them were kissing and both of them fueled it by tongues reaching in for dominance.

For Kaori, it was bliss. She had never really thought that ever in her life would she be kissing Psymon.

For Psymon, he tried desperately hard to resist himself from letting loose control and end up hurting Kaori like Hayden had.

His erection was straining against his pants and it kind of hurt, not to mention it was sitting in an uncomfortable position as well.

He never knew that he could be so turned on by Kaori.

Kaori didn't take anything into account except for her and Psymon locked in a kiss.

Her thoughts trailed until she remembered something.

SHIT! Mac.

Kaori suddenly felt as guilty as ever and broke the kiss.

"Shit, I'm sorry about that." She apologized.

"Yeah I'm sorry to. I didn't mean to kiss you its just that I got a little carried away," Psymon said. Rubbing that back if his head.

"I'm sorry I got to go." Kaori said and quickly strapped herself to her board and rode off.

She just Psymon there with his memories and thoughts.

'Shit, what the hell am I thinking!' Kaori smacked herself mentally.

'Great, just great. She had been through a terrifying plane crash, seen a dead man, been raped to a stage where she thought that no one love her. Stayed out by a burning plane for 3 days. Didn't speak a word. Avoided Mac, and now telling Psymon everything now, this. A wonderful but demising kiss with her apparent rival.' What else could happen?

She didn't really want to think about it right now, she just wanted sleep.

_**Heya, it's nearly finished yo!**_

_**Now for the hard part, has Kaori fallen for Psymon? **_

_**Will this interfere with her and Mac?**_

_**Find out next chapter.**_

_**hahahahahaha**_


	11. Finale of a fixed Heart

The morning greeted Kaori with a peaceful sun and a fresh amount of snow covering the window.

She took the moment of peace to herself and smiled. She was happy that is until she remembered last night.

Oh shit, how was she going to deal with this?

She slowly rose up and squinted from the sunlight trying to assault her senses. She yawned and got up out of bed, with her feet on the cold hard floor beneath her.

She quickly got on her fluffy pink bunny slippers and headed down to the lounge area of black station where she met Elise and Mac, Psymon and Zoe.

She thought that Psymon wouldn't want to be in the same room as her after last night but she decided to let Psymon know that she wanted no one else to know so she acted just like she would in front of him.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Even I am allowed to be here ya know," Psymon replied.

"I have a restraining order against you remember? I could call the cops and you will moved to peak 1 or something" she argued.

"Oh no, I'm sooo scared, hahahahaa, you little punk, you think you scare me! I couldn't more scared of you even if you were the evil empress of the washing machines!" Psymon joked.

"Just go away from me." Kaori said making it sound like everything was normal between them.

"No, I can be here if I want to, and I'm not leaving," Psymon stated.

Kaori shrugged and suddenly felt her lower abdomen scream at her, she decided to ignore it for as long as it took. She looked through the cupboards for a pannadol. Once she found one, she dry swallowed and shivered. There must be a breeze here or something.

The pain still annoyed her until she couldn't take it anymore. She bent over and clutched her stomach to hopefully fight the pain better, it didn't really work.

She felt like spewing and her head was going dizzy and she couldn't think straight.

"AHHHH," Kaori yelled in pain.

Elise and Mac came rushing in,

"What's wrong?" Mac asked.

"Pain," Was all Kaori could say before fainting on the kitchen floor.

**20 minutes later…**

Kaori woke up in a bed, a white bed; she could hear a constant beep beside her. 'Where am I?' she thought. 

She heard screaming from the room next to her.

'Am I in the hospital?' she thought to herself.

She tried to move her arm but it was numb and was kind of tingling.

'Oh great, what's wrong with my arm?' she thought.

She sighed in annoyance.

"KAORI!" Mac yelled as he ran into the room and hugged her so tight that Kaori thought that he was going to suffocate her.

H pulled away and smiled.

"I was so worried, I thought you had gone into a coma or something, you just wouldn't wake up even when Psymon had poured a bucket of freezing water on you! In my defense I tried to stop him, but you know Psymon, wont listen to me and kept going on bout throwing you in the washing machine…" Mac blubbered.

Kaori wasn't paying attention, she had trailed off after hearing Psymon's name.

How nice of him to try and wake her up, even if his methods are quite inhuman. But still, how nice of him,

Then she remembered about last night, and she remembered the kiss that the two of them had shared. Oh god, it was good.

Kaori then smacked herself mentally for even thinking those thoughts about Psymon. How dared she.

She loved Mac, that dopey D.J who had stolen her heart from day 1. She always thought of Psymon as a maniac that didn't seem all quite there. No she loved Mac, now and forever.

Kaori blinked, oh right his blubbering.

"…Anyway, I missed you, I really did." Mac finished and leaned down to hug her again.

Kaori didn't want a hug, she wanted a kiss. She needed to show Mac how much she loved him.

When Mac pulled away, Kaori gripped his arm and pulled him back towards her with his lips crashing into hers.

Mac had no idea on what was going on but he liked it.

He slowly closed his eyes and enjoyed kissing his girlfriend.

Kaori needed this, she wanted it so badly, she was trying hard to convince herself that Mac is her one and only, Mac was way better than Psymon, Mac's kiss was to die for.

Mac was in heaven, she was so sweet, and she was sweet like chocolate. In fact she was better than chocolate, he could live without chocolate but he couldn't live without Kaori.

Kaori loved Mac's kiss, his salty but sweet kisses. But she wanted more, she didn't want this moment to end. She held him down with her numb arms and held him tight.

Mac also didn't want this moment to end, he also wanted more, he darted his tongue in through her lips and explored her mouth, Kaori moaned at the sensation and reacted instinctively, she greeted his tongue with hers and then she knew that she was home, home in his arms.

Nothing else mattered to her anymore, not Psymon, not Hayden, not Katherine, nothing else. It was just her and Mac.

Mac never wanted heaven to end, he felt closer to her than he had ever been in his whole life. He realized that she was more than a girlfriend now, he loved her. He loved her so much.

He had wanted Kaori for so long, even back on the first days of SSX. He loved her.

Kaori knew that Mac was the one, her one and only. She knew that she needed him as much as he needed her.

She knew they were meant to be.

She knew it was love.

_**Yay, its finally finished! Sorry it was bad ending, there is along story behind that, wanna know what happened?  
Ok, it all started when I was writing this chapter on my computer. I went to check my emails and I went to click the minimize button, but you know what? I accidentally clicked the "x" button and all my best writing went down the drain. Of course I went crazy and was yelling at my computer but yelling at a computer won't make it all come back will it? Oh well, so this chapter is basically all that I could remember of the brilliant work that I did before it went bye bye. But if you still loved it. Please review, I love it when people tell me what they think of my work.**_

_**Ps. I'm thinking of writing a sequel. **_


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